THE FULL MOON
-“About a
girl as shining as a full moon”
“I know” I
said. “That’s not what I am upset about. It is this …this place…I hate it.”Actually,
did I hate this place? This is the most beautiful place I had ever been to. Nature
always welcomed us with its beauty every summer……but I hate this. I lost my
parents here. My lonely childhood days were all here. Now should I take my
Naina…? My wife…standing face to face with death itself here? “No Kiran I
can’t. May be some other hell in this earth…but not here. It’s not simple as
you think…and not as joyous as she expects..Now what she requires is rest.”
still kiran did not free his hold. “See yaar………it’s not her wish….but her
decision…she might have started her protest by now.” Kiran knew his sister well
and he was right.
Aaya at home
welcomed me with a lot of complaints about her… (And that was usual/) “Naina is
too childish nowadays. She refuses to eat….she don’t take her medicines. And
you know she even dances at this time” Aaya loved Naina like her own daughter.
But noting was told to her about Naina’s disease. She doesn’t know about its
seriousness. She doesn’t know that the medicines she feeds each day are pain
killers and the ones that provide her energy………….to die!!!!! The only person
who knows its seriousness is Naina herself... But she never bothers. She wanted
to enjoy her life…may be it is for a year, a month or a day. She wanted me,
Aaya and Kiran always with her. Aaya misunderstood her tiredness as something
else…something happier. Aaya is providing care for the baby growing inside Naina...without
knowing that it was a tumor baby! No perhaps an adult tumor!!!! And Kiran cries whenever he sees her. So
Naina cut shortened the list with me and only me always with her.
“Nain come
on yaar…see I haven't had a drop of water since morning. Come let’s go and have
Aaya special ‘saad’ especially and exclusively prepared for my Nain” but she
didn’t respond….she pushed me. “O.k. what does ma darling need? You want to go
there right? Then we are going. One condition that Kiran will accompany us.
Agreed?”
I saw a
sudden smile and noticed the two stars shining inside her eyes. She was
overwhelmed with joy…this is the joy for which I lived….for this joy I am ready
to conquer the whole world, compromise anything and everything she wishes…I
will build an even more beautiful Taj
Mahal…if she wishes…but only thing she wished was to visit that horrible place.
She says she wanted to go through my childhood… But I know her plan was to make
my fear for that place vanish..
We left to
ma village in the evening. Kiran drove the car. He drove so smoothly, so slowly
because all that he cared was Naina's comfort. But this naughty thing wanted to
move quickly…defeating all other vehicles…only thing that she wished to slow
down was the truth that is behind, beside and before her……death.
Kiran did not look into his sisters eyes….I know
my friend and his love for Naina well.. Anyone in his place can’t. I noticed Naina
staring at Kiran through the mirror.. crying!!!.... I saw her crying…as I was
about to turn to her, she wiped off her tears.ann sat as if nothing had
happened.
I remember
the day when Kiran came to my home with a little creature on his shoulders.
This girl was just 2 or 3 yrs old at that time. I had no clue that the naughty
was going to be mine.
We reached
the place by 6:00. Don’t expect a palace like house…this is just a small one.
Don't expect me to tell a ghost story…but this is even more fearful….staying
with a person who will leave you alone at any time... and go to an unknown
world. No! Nothing will happen... my Naina can’t leave me.
Leaving Naina
with Kiran I went for a walk. All the way long I saw a boy and his mother here
and there..They were playing, laughing.I too laughed. You may wonder how I
could laugh when my wife is struggling for life. There is a deep silent cry
behind every loud laugh I make. I wanted to make Naina happy. If I can’t then I
may loose her. The place contrast to my thought provided me with a positive energy.
May be this energy came from the boy who is running all around with his mom, or
from a college boy who came here with his best friend every summer.
I saw the
boy and his mom near the river….who are they? I have seen them somewhere but
forgot where. This brought in me a
similar old ache and tension. The lost of a dearest thing made my stomach
contract. “I want to see Naina soon”..
Naina was
fast asleep in kiran’s lap. I called her but he asked me to shut up. I haven’t
seen Naina sleeping so well without tablet. kiran forwarded a question “how
long will my sis live” “for long..even longer than us”…I said without thinking
deeply into it. I am an ordinary man who loves his wife..as mother, sister,
child, friend….like anything and everything.
Naina woke
me up the next morning. She looked very energetic…very beautiful…like…like my
mom. “hubs! Does this place have anything magical? All my pain and illness have
vanished. “No dear, it’s not the magic of this place…but of your heart” I said
with a sigh.
We 3 went for
a walk. No one else saw the boy. He was sobbing near his mothers resting place.
Naina even without seeing him wiped off those tears..She sat near my mom’s
funeral and spoke for minutes.
My
childhood…my mom, papa…mom’s death... father’s marriage….my lonely days..Then a
distant relative of my mom came to my life..I called her aaya, but she was my
mother itself, she fed me, sang songs, bathe me, sang for me to sleep. She
really worked hard for my education…then we shifted to city, where Kiran came
to my life….the greatest turning point of my life. I learned to laugh, to speak
well, to be loving, caring, sharing, sincere…it wasn’t Kiran who taught brought
all these changes in me…but his sister who accompany him. I did not like her at
all at first. She always complaint that I was too serious, formal, boring… I
was… but I changed. I didn’t know how to behave with girls. But I learned that
soon. I pampered her a lot. I was dearer to her than Kiran. She says that it
was not Kiran but me who was her own brother. Their parents complaint that I
was making her so naughty. She was my own sister who was not born to my
parents. Once Aaya shocked me with a question “why can’t you marry Naina? She
will be a right bride for you.”I considered that as one of the classic jokes I’ve
ever heard. She was my friend, my sister, my bride? I couldn’t even imagine.
Thinking….
Suddenly I saw a fire all around…the fire that ate my mom…fire that made me
hate my father..is now nearing my Naina.
A stranger
…. Stranger then walked towards us. He wasn’t a stranger for me at all. He was
the reason for my birth…for my mom’s death…..my ‘papa’. He went and spoke to Kiran.
His wife and children doesn’t need him it seems…they had left him….now he is
back to his son. I can’t accept him.
When naina came to know who he was she went to him and touched his feet. I
shouted at her( may be for the first time) “nain you know who he is…he is a killer.
He killed my mom. He made me alone. I did not leave him instead he left me…I
loved him, I missed him, but now I hate him.”
She payed no attention to me but was listening to him.
Papa had
told several times that he was innocent. He tried to prove it many times…but I
never gave my ears to him. Naina too told the same but I felt to listen, I felt
to believe. Then when papa came and touched me…I gave him a hug and cried like
a little boy in front of his father(& Naina teased me a lot for crying).
Papa was
also there for dinner. Kiran was feeding his kiddy…his lazy kiddy…so lazy to
eat... I did not interfere. Naina slept without medicines that night. I did not
compel her because at least that night she could be free from a diseased life.
I remember
the day when Kiran came home sobbing(before he became my brother-in-law). When
I touched him he hugged me and bursted into tears consoled my friend for that
unknown reason. After an hour or two he disclosed a shocking truth….a truth,
that any one reading this can guess….but we had not even a small clue.. I
couldn’t believe my ears.. I did not respond first..I couldn’t. Both my mind
and body was frozen… “Our Naina???Tumor???...what???...” the news stayed around
my ears for days. I did not give my face to any one for days……months passed. I
never visited her.
The news of
a marriage proposal brought a relief in me. It wasn’t told to naina anything
about the disease. She was send for diagnose and was given medicines for the
jaundice she had some months before. She was over whelmed with joy and started
thinking about a new life. She shared all about her feelings and dreams with me
more than with Kiran.
Then the next tragedy, hit all our lives. The
boy’s people withdrew the proposal when they were told everything. The whole
family gathered at my home that night. Aaya wasn’t at home. She knew nothing
about the Naina’s illness, but knew
about the proposal and its withdrawal. All were sobbing except naina. She was
totally motionless…totally afraid-may be of the death nearing her. Nobody
consoled her and she knew nobody can. She came to me and kept her face on my
hands…. I moved my hands over her head…. It was then Aaya entered….she had a
decision in her mind..She opened her mind with a question “why can’t you give
my Naina to my boy? See how well he looks after her. I will take care of my
children”… she acted very rubbish. When she was to continue I interfered “Aaya
will you keep quite? Be serious….you don’t….you don’t know the situation” then
kiran’s mom shocked me with the same question. Kiran pulled me to the balcony
“can you marry my Nain?”
Marrying Nain!!!....my
sister!!!.....she was my sister more than a friend…how can me….. marry?...Then
I thought if I withdraw they will misunderstand me…..alas unwillingly I said I
was wiling…Naina disagreed telling “ if I am asked to search a girl for you I
will never choose a ‘cancerous creature’ for my brother….that was the final
time she mentioned me as her brother.
Since the
‘muhurthum’ I haven’t had a single tension free second in my life. My first
night was in an ICU, honeymoon in that dirty hospital….still aaya wasn’t told
anything. Under aaya Naina was a little child…with me an obedient wife…a
perfect citizen….and with her illness a perfect slave….each smile she passes
has a great pain inside..
Naina was
getting better, I thought …even she thought. But the tumor was getting. Every
day when aaya comes with complaints she never fails to add a sentence “who else
is there to play all these pranks?”…I understood and even Nain…that it was her way
of expressing her desire for a grandchild…but her tumor did not at all
understand.
Once Naina
came to me and asked "Do you want a boy? Or a girl?” she expressed her
wish to be a mother…then let me express the one in my mind….Naina can’t become
a mother!!!
When Naina
fell down fainted, aaya was in joy while others were tensed. Aaya was busily
collecting mangoes from all possible places. My
poor naina who hated raw mangoes were forced to eat them.
I took naina
to the hospital.Doctor told us that she was alright. The nurse came and took Naina
to the garden to show the new roses imported a few days before. Naina loved
roses….then doctor told me the truth that medicine are becoming inactive inside
her. He told me that she can’t carry my baby. He talked about the operation, its
effects. At first I disagreed because a small carelessness can take my Naina
away from me. I didn’t need another child when she is with me…..
I couldn’t
hide anything from her for long. She reacted violently at first. I expected
that…because that was the greatest punishment any lady can get. But soon she
became alright. She went and hugged Aaya …smiling! As if nothing had happened.
Aaya was being day by day.
Poor little
girl is in deep sleep. Suddenly she woke up with a scream. She says she saw
death. It came near her and was trying to pull her from the back. She did not
sleep that night, nor did I! We sat holding each other tightly, the whole night.
When it was some 4 or 5, she closed her eyes and fell on my lap. That was our
last night there.
My father
was also joining us back. Kiran sat with Naina and I drove the car. It was her
operation the next day….an operation with less chance of succession.still we
had decided to have it. She came near me and whispered in my ears “you want me
to leave you…if no then why this operation? Should we go there? To that
hospital? I wanted to live long…as your wife, sis, girlfriend….your only
daughter!!!”…..this frozen me. “I wanted to look after our papa…play pranks
with Aaya…..I never wanted to miss you” I sat silently she spoke “tomorrow is
full moon… I wanted to see Mr. Moon in the midnight when the roses blooms…and
its fragrance spreads in the air….. I wanted to watch all these with my head on
your shoulders”…………………………………….
We reached
the hospital late. The doctor was angry with me. But he spoke no word, because
he knew, scolding me can make Naina upset…and the risk goes to him.
I called
aaya from there. Aaya reached the hospital with many dresses- both big and
small. She was so worried….because according to her the baby was just 7 months
old… (But this tumor baby was 20 months old)
“Oh doctor!
What happened to my Naina? Is mom and child alright. Will it be a boy or a
girl? It will be a boy. Boys are very naughty. See how restless he is….he is
coming out so early.” It was then Naina came in her green dresses. She holded
my hands “don’t worry dea… I will come out soon... free from all medicines. You
took care of me as your daughter….now I will come out as your mother….to take
care of you...and give you a pinch like this…to beat you like this. A big drop
of my tears fell on her hand. She saw it but never minded.
And she was
taken away…. Away she moved into the operation theatre…..and the door between
us closed.
I leaned on
the wall and smoothly dropped down. Without trying to make the confused Aaya
realize the truth, without trying to console kiran…..I sat
Aaya was
waiting for her grandson’s cry from inside. Kiran was waiting for his
sister….and my papa, for his lovely daughter-in-law………..all the three praying.
And I sat there……motionless…thoughtless…without crying….without praying…..for
long 6 hours.
I saw the
moon shining in its full size..The fragrance of blooming roses spreaded in the
air… I moved my hands over my shoulders….
And the door in front of me opened…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
